Well, I guess I have been putting off blogging for a while... I keep hoping to have some development to share that is exciting and new. Instead, I am facing the realization that in a couple of weeks, I will be the only active YWAMer left on the island of Guam. This is and isn't a big deal. It's not a big deal because YWAM is just an organization, and God is totally capable of working and using me outside of that context. And it is a big deal because that's the context that I know and have learned to work within for five years, and now I am about to be alone in it.
I'm sad, too, because I know that people are leaving in a place of disappointment, and I don't want that for them. Then again, God is, of course, bigger than our expectations... he is definitely the only one capable of redeeming that disappointment.
The last few weeks have been pretty up and down. We had a couple of our leaders come through to help us kind of reset vision and define our goals, etc. for the ministry here. There have been a lot of really hopeful moments, and a lot of really frustrated moments. Hope is great, but it needs to be grounded in reality, and sometimes it's just so easy to have big ideas when there is nobody actually called to fulfill them. In the long run, I think it's better to set small goals that are actually attainable. In this situation, at least. There has been a tension for me between faith and cynicism... I know that God is able to do more than we ask or imagine. But does that mean that the bigger the idea, the more it is from God? I'm not sure it always works that way. But I don't want to get in the way of the miracles that he wants to do, either.
Well, I am going to sign off now, and get some sleep. Maybe all the answers will come to me in a dream! For now, I am resting in the peace of God's presence and provision for my life-- he has me in a good hold right now and there's no reason to think he'll let go any time soon. More later about my plans for the rest of the summer!
No comments:
Post a Comment