No Political Subtext Intended

When I was a kid, I used to watch this show called "Gospel Bill." I don't know why, and I don't remember very much about it, but I know that I loooooved this show. There was a cowboy, I know that. Gospel Bill was a cowboy, I think, and interacted with other cowboys, and a good bet would be that the show included some sort of Bible-based teaching woven into a country western theme. I am pretty sure that I could identify Gospel Bill in a line up if I saw him today. But that's it, really.

I'm just telling you this so when I say that today, when I opened up my email and saw the day's headlines and one of them said "Health Care Bill," you will understand the sudden image that popped into my head of a doctor wearing a cowboy hat and spurs on his boots. And although I have been in the States for two months now, and have been listening to the seemingly eeeeeeeendless and ugly debate raging about health care, it still took me a few minutes before I actually realized that Health Care Bill is not a new children's show about a cowboy doctor.

But wouldn't it be awesome if it was?

Wow. Just wow.

I cannot believe that I am leaving Guam in less than two days. How does time go so fast? I feel like that is a major theme on this blog: time speeding by more quickly than I know what to do with it.

So the last few days have been filled with spending time with friends and saying good-byes to people. And also talking to customer service agents at cheaptickets.com and Continental airlines trying to actually get home. I will go to great lengths to avoid ever using either again. But I did kind of chuckle this morning as I drove to the beach to read and stare at the horizon... because I realized that I so like getting my own way. Which I did not, by the way, with this ticket issue. Which I guess is not the end of the world. But it took me by surprise in some ways-- the extent to which I am accustomed to getting my way. I think that some of this is that I know how things work, for the most part, in my specific culture, and so tailor my expectations of what I want based on how things generally operate. But still. How weird that I think I should get my way as often as I do.

Anyway, lest you think that I am drowning in a cesspool of inner enlightenment and turmoil: I'm not. I just got back from a sunny morning at the beach and will be spending the day packing and meeting with friends. I am very grateful for all of these things and the ability to enjoy them, and am pretty excited to get home soon, too!

Goonies Never Say Die

I just got back (very) early this morning from Saipan [note-- actually two mornings ago; I didn't finish the post when I first started writing it], which is the most populated of the Commonwealth of the Northern Marianas Islands. It's still small. Smaller than Guam, which is very small-- I particularly noticed that as I flew away from Guam, and looked back and could see the entire island after not too long. But anyway... Saipan! It's beautiful, and not far away, it turns out (seriously, I should know that after living so close for the last 8-ish months). It is a lot like Guam in many ways, although there is no military presence anymore. However, the affects of WW II on Saipan were significant, and that is much more obvious than it has been to me on Guam. Saipan had been ruled by Japan for several years before the war, and so there were a lot of Japanese civilians on the island. When the US fought for and won Saipan (and the neighboring island, Tinian, where the Enola Gay launched from when it dropped the first atomic bomb), there was propaganda that the US troops would harm the Japanese civilians, and in spite of efforts to correct this misconception, many of these people, in fear, jumped off of cliffs rather than be captured. It was so strange to walk along these beautiful cliffs and realize the sadness of what happened there 60-something years ago.

And I'm not sure why I mentioned that except that it really struck me... it may or may not tie in with the rest of my post. :) I have been thinking about hope a lot lately. "Hope deferred makes the heart sick..." says the writer of Proverbs. And it's so true. I think the hardest thing for me during my time here has been figuring out how to deal with situations where things just don't happen like they should. There is a mindset that I've encountered here that makes it okay to not follow through on things you've said you will do. Which means that people say things; plans get made; things are even put in writing; hope rises... and then they just don't happen. I have really struggled with not giving up entirely on even the idea of a vision for Micronesia, because almost nothing that I expected has come to pass. Other things have happened, of course, and I've been totally blessed in many ways, but it's been a weird time, for sure.

I spent the last few days with YWAM Saipan, who have experienced the same kind of disappointments: cancelled schools, broken promises of people coming to help, uncertainty about housing and money. But the leaders of YWAM Saipan have this amazing hope. Being around them really reminded me that our hope is NOT in our circumstances, but in God. And they are planning for the next thing and laying down disappointment and hoping again for God to use them to help move the hearts of Micronesians toward Him. They know it might all fall through, but they still hope, because that is what they believe God has asked them to do. What amazing people.

Even before I went to Saipan, this idea of hope (and the struggle to maintain it) was on my mind. I think one reason I stayed here this whole time was that I just needed to follow through on what I said I would do, even though nobody would fault me for not doing so. Because I have committed to hope for this place. But the strength with which the staff on Saipan are keeping hope alive was pretty astounding. Hmmm... I guess I'm still thinking through all of this. But there it is: my rumination for today.

Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. 2 Cor. 4:16-18

There's nothing like a little perspective...

Here I am, back from Yap! I had a great time, along with my friend Michelle, and plan to post more info later, but wanted to notify anyone who cares that I did, in fact, make it back to Guam in one piece. (Although the very next day my roommate and I went hiking and I slipped down a steep hill and am now covered in bruises and scratches. All in a day's work.)

I had the chance to meet some really cool people, and to sit and talk and listen to and pray with many of them. Michelle and I both spoke at church on Sunday, as well, which was a cool opportunity.

Some things you should know about Yap:

-The runway is really short, so when the airplane lands, it lands with a thump and brakes hard immediately, which causes many people to scream. Apparently, this was not an isolated incident just for our benefit; it happens often.

-If you like seafood, Yap is a good place to go. We ate fresh fish or crab almost every day.

-Yap is called "the island of stone money," but actually they use the U.S. dollar as currency. However, giant pieces of stone money are all over the place, and really fascinate me.

-There are also several stone paths on the island-- paths that have been laid with flat stones that go through the jungle. They are very cool, and also fascinate me.

-If you are walking from one village to the next in Yap, you should carry something (like a leaf) with you to indicate that you are not there to take anything. I'm not sure what happens if you don't follow this rule. But I'm sure it's not good.

That's all for now. I will leave you with the transcript of a conversation I had while exploring a stone path one day, guided by our friend, Angel, who showed Michelle and me around the island. I feel like it pretty much sums things up:

Me: "This stone path is amazing. Where does it go?"

Angel: "Oh, it goes all the way."

Me: "All the way... where?"

Angel: "To the end!"

And there it is. The most profound conversation I've had for a long time. Ponder and enjoy. :)

Yap-ward Bound

In about three hours, I am getting on a plane and going to the island of Yap! And I am really excited about it. From what I have heard, Yap is a very different place to Guam. There is definitely a Yapese community here on island, but I'm looking forward to getting to really spend some time on an island that hasn't been quite so westernized as Guam. So... woo hoo!

I only have a month and a half left here in micronesia. Time really seems to be speeding by lately-- I think because I have determined to really enjoy myself. Now that YWAM's fate is decided (at least for the rest of the time that I am here), it definitely feels like a burden of sorts has been lifted. It's still kind of a long and hard explanation that happens every time someone asks me what happened, but that's not really the worst thing in the world.

For now, I am just going to choose to love where I'm at. And I think it makes a difference. This morning I was helping a girl who is just moving to Guam clean her new apartment, and the movers came while I was there. I started talking to one of the guys, and eventually was trying to explain what I'm doing here, exactly, which was difficult because English was definitely not his first language, and eventually, he just kind of interrupted me and was like, "do you ever need help?" And it kind of struck me anew (yes, I just said "anew") that people want to be a part of something that brings freedom. We had such a hard time for so many months with nobody-- even committed people-- wanting to be a part of this... whatever it was. And now it is kind of over and I'm just doing whatever is in front of me and I'm choosing to enjoy that, and random people want to help. Hmm. How do I stay in this mindset? How do I live in the freedom that I have in Christ even when it seems impossible? It shouldn't be hard. So why is it?

But there's no time to ponder these things right now because I am about to meet my good friend Michelle and get on a plane and go to Yap! How cool is my life that I get to go to places that many people have never, ever heard of? I know the answer to that question: pretty darn cool.

Titles can be hard to think of sometimes...

Well, I guess I have been putting off blogging for a while... I keep hoping to have some development to share that is exciting and new. Instead, I am facing the realization that in a couple of weeks, I will be the only active YWAMer left on the island of Guam. This is and isn't a big deal. It's not a big deal because YWAM is just an organization, and God is totally capable of working and using me outside of that context. And it is a big deal because that's the context that I know and have learned to work within for five years, and now I am about to be alone in it.

I'm sad, too, because I know that people are leaving in a place of disappointment, and I don't want that for them. Then again, God is, of course, bigger than our expectations... he is definitely the only one capable of redeeming that disappointment.

The last few weeks have been pretty up and down. We had a couple of our leaders come through to help us kind of reset vision and define our goals, etc. for the ministry here. There have been a lot of really hopeful moments, and a lot of really frustrated moments. Hope is great, but it needs to be grounded in reality, and sometimes it's just so easy to have big ideas when there is nobody actually called to fulfill them. In the long run, I think it's better to set small goals that are actually attainable. In this situation, at least. There has been a tension for me between faith and cynicism... I know that God is able to do more than we ask or imagine. But does that mean that the bigger the idea, the more it is from God? I'm not sure it always works that way. But I don't want to get in the way of the miracles that he wants to do, either.

Well, I am going to sign off now, and get some sleep. Maybe all the answers will come to me in a dream! For now, I am resting in the peace of God's presence and provision for my life-- he has me in a good hold right now and there's no reason to think he'll let go any time soon. More later about my plans for the rest of the summer!

Still here...

Right. So I'm still on Guam. I have mixed feelings about this, but that is beside the point. Things are still not really happening the way that I wish they would... but I need to get over that and be ready for what God IS doing, rather than what I want him to do, I think. Easier said than done, sometimes.

We are finally finished and out of our lease with the property YWAM was using here. That is a good thing-- a huge load off of the shoulders of the leadership here. It's also sad, in a lot of ways. There were a lot of hopes and dreams tied up in that place-- we wanted to run schools that won't happen there now, and use it as a base of evangelism, which it won't be. Our staff are moving on to new things, and somehow we feel a bit stuck here, picking up the pieces and wondering what happened to all the hope for new, life-giving ministries that were supposed to come out from there.

The truth is, of course, that it is not about the building. But the loss of the building is a tangible thing that goes along with the loss of resources needed to do the things we had planned to do. And now the only thing to do is to wait on God, and let him give us something new: new hope and new ideas and new plans of action. I have peace about that-- most of the time. I know that God is big and capable, and that he is good and wants good things for the people of Guam. I don't know how I am a part of that, right now. I've been thinking about the ministries that I've been involved in, and it seems like I am often around for major transitions. What is that all about? Also, I have made some friends here and I think those relationships have been very key and important during this time... for myself and for those people. So I definitely see God working. But the big picture is tough to grasp right now. I guess I will give it time. Watch this space!

I wish I had known about this earlier!

Oh, man. This is an incredible card, found at www.etsy.com. Jesus loves his peeps! If I had found this last week, a lot of people would be getting Easter cards from me this year. But this saves me money, anyway. Happy Easter!

31 Years

So it's past midnight here on Guam, which makes it my birthday! I am now officially 31 years old. Ridiculous. Sometimes I actually wonder if it is possible. Maybe there is some kind of mistake? The only problem with this is that I actually do remember most of those 31 years. So they must have happened.

Today is a weird day-- I'm with people I don't know very well in a place that I don't know very well. But this year has been one of huge blessings. I went to Scotland! I spent the summer in Portland! I got to go back to New Zealand, visit friends in Australia, lead an amazing DTS, and came to Guam. A year ago, I would have guessed very few of these things. I am very blessed. I have seen God working in a lot of people's lives and even got to be a part of that work. How awesome is that? And through it all, I almost always had a bed to sleep in. (Okay, now I have a couch, but it's a pretty good one.) Beds are things that I have discovered cannot be taken for granted, because sometimes you don't get one. But they are so awesome when you do. I have had pretty much a whole year of sleeping in beds. That is amazing. I hope that I never get to a point where I wake up in the morning and am not totally grateful for the bed I slept in.

Anyway, I am also grateful for all the totally undeserved and fabulous things that I've been able to do this year, and am incredibly thankful for the amazing people who have been in my life during these past (alleged) 31 years. And I'd like to thank the Academy... just kidding. Have a great my birthday, everyone!

Sigh

Well, here I am. I was kind of waiting to update my blog until I had something exciting to share, but... well, it doesn't seem like things are happening very quickly here, so I am going to write anyway!

It has not been an easy couple of weeks. I am surrounded by amazing people, which is huge, though. Terry and Kay are very wise and fun to be around; Carrie is great; last night I got to hang out with some girls I became friends with when the team was here, and I was so blessed by them. I look forward to spending more time with them.

Ministry-wise, things are a bit murky. Sorting everything out with the building that we had been using hasn't been as straight forward as we wished, and getting things started around here just takes a lot of work, really. We started up a discipleship group for new/young believers last week, to give some really solid, foundational teaching... a bunch of people said they would come, but most didn't. Those who did were 45 minutes late. Guam time! It felt like pulling teeth in a lot of ways, so I'm hoping that once some momentum gets going, it will get better.

We've been praying a lot about what to do and when and how... there are actually a lot of opportunities. The thing for me that is frustrating is that a lot of those opportunities feel like things that I actually should not do. There are churches that want ministries started, etc., but nobody in the church wants to run them, so they are looking for outside help. But I feel like, as a short-term resident of this place, there needs to be someone else to carry these things after I go. A five month program would work for five months, but then what? There has to be someone willing to learn to do it and take over after the five months. But nobody seems to want to. Even when I thought the DTS was going to happen, there were people to train up to carry on and to lead the next one, which was part of my purpose in leading it. So... we'll see. I'm praying for opportunities to work with and train others to do really strategic, meaningful ministry that is actually bearing fruit, not just creating activities. Oh, the possibilities!

Anyway, that's me for now.

Guaminated

Oh, boy. I am back on Guam! After what felt like a million hours of flying, stopping at home for three fabulous days, and flying a million hours more, I am back. It's really weird to be here without my team, actually. But it feels good-- especially after freezing for three days in Portland! It's warm here, but not overwhelming. And I'm staying at my friend Carrie's house, which has air conditioning, which is a luxury for a girl like me! AND hot showers! Will wonders never cease?

Everything has changed since I left Guam a few weeks ago. A Kiwi couple (go NZ!) has come and joined the YWAM Guam leadership, and actually are kind of saddled with some hefty decisions, as the previous leadership is taking a break. Decision one was to quit the building that was being used as a base for YWAM Guam. It's just too removed from the centre of action here, and as you may remember, had no power or phone or Internet not so long ago, and is heading that way again. So, I feel like that is a good decision. Most of the staff are planning on heading elsewhere, so this will encourage them to make their own decisions a bit more quickly, I think.

Decision two is to cancel the DTS that I came here to run. That is a bit disappointing, but really makes a lot of sense. There were no definite numbers or even completed applications from prospective students, and it was getting down to the wire. Frustrating, but it feels right. Which leaves me kind of wondering why on earth I am here... but I still feel very much like this is where I should be right now. I got a phone call from the regional director the day I left NZ basically offering to release me from my commitment here. And I prayed about it, and immediately felt like, no, I need to go. I think that God wants me to learn some things here, and I really want to serve this place and help things get a good foundation built here for different ministries. So... here we go! It's kind of exciting/scary to be in this position. And here I am.

We'll be running some discipleship seminars for a broader range of people than a DTS commitment really allows, so that's one thing that's happening. I've spent the week since I've been here communicating with speakers and just getting rested up. Today I hung out all morning on the beach, which I really can't complain about! Seriously, I do live in a tropical paradise... sometimes it seems a bit ridiculous-- my life is so great.

Okay, I'm off to enjoy the Air Con.

Autumn

Okay, so time is going WAY too fast. I am only 30 years old, at least for another month, and I really feel that things should not be moving at the rate they are.

Today was a really amazing day in the North of New Zealand. It was one of those perfect early autumn days, where the air is still warm, but the air is really clear, and the leaves are starting to turn, and there are acorns everywhere (this place is called Oak Ridge for a reason), and there are apples on the apple tree, and it just feels all cozy and nostalgic. I said goodbye to most of the rest of the staff, who are headed off to a YWAM NZ meeting for a few days. That was sad, and so I was definitely down with the nostalgia in the air after being left here for my last couple of days pretty much alone.

My house is still a shambles, but I'm thinking I will finish packing and cleaning tomorrow, and be ready to hop on a bus to the airport by Thursday. I hate packing and cleaning. I may have mentioned this before. But I especially hate it this time, because I'm actually moving out of this house, which I love, and moving on to what feels pretty unknown a lot of the time. Secretly I am terrified. (I guess it's not a secret any more!). But I know I need to go-- I know that God is up to something and I want to be a part of it. Not that he's not up to something here, too... it's just not for me right now. Hopefully I will be able to come back here after Guam; I definitely don't feel finished here yet.

I've been spending the last week or so helping with staff training for the next DTS here, as well as trying to plan out staff training for my Guam DTS and trying to get my head around schedules and speakers and stuff. A friend of mine in Guam has found a car for me to use while I'm there, which is an unexpected blessing. Although, I did pray a lot for a car while I was there, so I maybe shouldn't be surprised. But I am VERY grateful. And I'm grateful for my time here, and for this house while I've had it, and for the people who have made my life richer while they've been in it. I think God's been reminding me, even while I am sad to say goodbye to people and places that I love, that he gave me all of that. Instead of being sad that I don't have it anymore, I want to be thankful that I had it in the first place. And look forward to whatever is coming... which is coming quickly!!!

On that note, I have to go enjoy my last NZ full moon for a while. It's unbelievable how bright that thing is!

The end: take ten

Well, the last few weeks flew by at an out-of-control speed, and now the DTS is over, and I am... well, I am sad. I'm kind of giving myself a day to hang out in my pajamas and watch movies and let my tiredness catch up with me, and then tomorrow it's back to work.

This DTS has been a really good one for me-- I have been so encouraged over the past five months with what God is doing and what young people are really capable of. It felt like we really sowed into some lasting things on the island of Guam, which was pretty cool.

My future is kind of scaring me, as excited as I am about it. I'm excited because I know that I'm going to be challenged and that I am going to grow. And that's scary, too. Because it could very well be difficult. But I can't think too much about it at this point, because I am just too tired. I'm pretty much finished as far as my capacity to think clearly about anything, so I'm not really even trying. Maybe tomorrow.

Anyway, I am so grateful for what God has done and is doing, and so thankful to all of you who have been praying for me and helping me out along the way.

The sickness

So what do you do when you get a phone call from your team leader while you are running errands telling you that one of your students needs to be taken to the hospital and you need to come get him right away? Remain calm, is my theory. And go get the student right away. That is what happened last Tuesday afternoon while I was at the bank. The funny thing was that it was fairly easy to remain calm because the symptoms relayed to me about this student's condition were: "he feels weak." Um, I don't know about anyone else, but I have felt weak before and it did not equal a trip to the hospital. So anyway, we hurried back to the base, where Chad, the student in question, was looking worse than weak. Apparently he had thrown up like 8 times in the last few minutes and all of his muscles started spasming, and he could barely talk. Kind of alarming, really.

So... 5 hours and a THOUSAND DOLLARS later (thank God for insurance!), Chad had been given who even knew how many units of antibiotics and pain killers and sedatives and at least 3 liters of fluid, and was on and off of an oxygen mask, and had x-rays, and all kinds of other things while I sat there and prayed. The murky verdict at the end of all of this was that he had food poisoning, or maybe a virus, or maybe some other bacteria. And the puking caused some kind of electrolyte imbalance which led to an anxiety attack, possibly. He was not better, but we took him to our friend Carrie's house. She's a nurse, plus has air conditioning and hot water, so it seemed like the best option. The next morning I did not feel good, and neither did two other girls on the team, so we headed over to Carrie's, too, and Carrie also didn't feel well. Our best guess is that we were somehow infected at the waterfall Carrie took us to Monday that week. Anyway, none of the rest of us were as bad off as Chad-- we made sure to drink as much as possible-- so we were able to get back to the base the next day. It's been a week of doing a little bit of stuff and then taking time out to rest. Being sick is terrible, and makes me feel useless. On the other hand, it's a good chance to ponder why we react to things in certain ways: why does my not being able to really contribute to what's going on for a couple of days make me feel so bad? Where is my worth really found? Oh, ponderings.

Anyway, we're all feeling better (most of the time) now, and are headed off to help out at a chapel this morning, so I'd better go!

Scatterbrained?

I'm pretty sure that the Chinese New Year just happened a few weeks ago-- which means that it is no longer the year of the rat. Which is why I was slightly dismayed this week when a HUGE rat ran into the room that I share with the three girls on the outreach team. Luckily, only one of the other girls was there. We have sworn each other to secrecy from the other two until we're on the airplane to Korea. Sometimes there are things that you should not say to people who have to sleep in a room with the doors and windows open all of the time. Anyway, the rat ran straight into a corner of our room and stayed under the furniture there for a while. Rebekah and I stood on our beds and stared at the area for a few minutes, before concluding that we needed someone else to get rid of the rat, so we woke up Caleb, who came into the room with a large stick. Do all guys sleep with a large stick or baseball bat within reaching distance? Just a question. (I guess the guys had a stick to chase the boonie dogs that are all over the place here away. But I was amazed in the moment at the speed with which he appeared, and that he had time to get such a perfect stick.) Anyway, he did get rid of the rat quickly. It ran out the door and we tried to pretend it had never happened. Except for now.

Anyway, all encounters with rats aside, it's been a good week. Things are starting to come together a little for the DTS here-- which is still something that freaks me out a bit. But would it be worth it if it didn't? I don't know. It's kind of irrelevant, anyway.

The team is doing a great job here. They are really positive and fun to be around, and are reaching out to people wherever they go. Just the other day they met this girl at the beach and talked to her for ages... it's interesting how much more loving I usually feel when I don't feel pressured to be loving. Sometimes on outreach you get this "outreach mentality" of constantly needing to validate everything you're doing by throwing a little gospel in. But what I really want is for the gospel to permeate my life and for this good news to just be automatic in everything I do. Grocery shopping, swimming, whatever... I want to reach out to the people around me out of an inherent love and understanding of God's heart for them, not out of duty. I think that this team does a good job of that.

Anyway, random thoughts from week six on Guam.

The Most Embarrassing Part of My Week-- or, How Mary Learned the Hula

So, the team has been going to the local Chamorro Village every week, which is basically a tourist trap that sets up once a week and sells all kinds of souvenirs and local food. But it's a great place to go and talk to people and hang out and get a feel for what's going on. A couple of weeks ago, the girls met a local dance group that does hula dancing, and they were invited to come along to practice the next week. I'm pretty sure that we surprised all of them when all of us girls showed up at practice that Friday.

It turns out that I need some work when it comes to hula dancing. But it is fun. And it's a really cool chance to hang out with locals and learn about stuff that they love, and hopefully show God's love to them. They are mostly young girls-- a lot of them are really little, and they just love us. They are always hanging on us and around us and are the cutest thing ever. Also, they dance circles around us.

The first week wasn't so bad; they took pity on us, basically. But week 2 was... well, it was all about humility. The four of us NZ girls were lined up in the back behind all of the little local girls, and we were trying to copy them, and we looked ridiculous. Which wouldn't be so bad, except that we were practicing outside, in front of anyone who wanted to watch. We'd sent the boys off to play basketball at the local court, and gave them specific instructions to come back ten minutes AFTER the lesson started. So we were a little bit sad when the van pulled up ten minutes before we were finished. Luckily, Caleb, who was driving, knew better than to make fun of us.

Picture this: a beautiful, starlit, tropical night... there are palm trees silhouetted in the background. Twenty girls with long black hair and brown skin are swaying gracefully to ukulele music and drum beats. And behind them, four awkward white girls are trying to keep up. That is how I spend my Friday nights. But it's worth it. I think something good might come out of it-- not counting that I MIGHT learn to hula. Time will tell...

Inspired

Yesterday was our free day... and we hung out with some of the local pastors' kids and another girl who showed us some cool waterfalls and stuff around the island. It mostly was a day that involved a lot of mosquito bites and sunburn, and a lot of swimming for the rest of the team. I refrained because I had an ear infection last week and wanted to keep my ear dry. Fascinating, I know.

Anyway, when we were getting started, we all met at the pastors' house to convene. And I was talking to Allison, who is one of the pastors, and she was telling us about how they had spent part of the morning already looking over some new property that they are hoping to build on. She told us that they have been on the mission field for 21 years now. And just now they are beginning to see some of the dreams that they started out with start to be fulfilled. I'm sure that they've been surprised on the way, too, by all the things that have come along that they never would have guessed. But I was really inspired by the commitment to stick something out for 21 years until they saw the original vision start to take shape. That's kind of a long time in the short-term world that I live in. My life has been happening in 6 month intervals, it feels like, and at the end of each 6 months, I have a new group of young people going out into the world having had an encounter with God and ready to make a difference. Which has its good and bad points. The thing is, I so often have an expectation of God to make quick work of things. And usually he has, actually. But when he doesn't, I get frustrated. And there are enough examples in the Bible of God taking his time to fulfill his promises to his people that I should not be surprised if it takes a long time. And yet... anyway, that's what I've been thinking about today. Being faithful. That's what I want to do.

Hafa Adai!

Where to begin? Guam is a crazy little island, first of all. It's such a weird mix of the islands and American culture. We live in a building that is-- right now, at least-- basically a shelter for us right now, without much else to work with than beds and a shower. Which is totally normal for outreach. But then we go to the grocery store, and the shelves are filled with things like Betty Crocker cake frosting and Cheetos and Pringles, and that is a bit of a shock sometimes. And then we visit people in really normal, American homes with air conditioning and TVs and everything that seems normal. And that is also a weird feeling. But I think it's really good for the team, actually, to be in a more "normal" setting and try to figure out how to reach people. In the islands, it's really easy to reach out, because all you do is visit a chief or leader and then set up a program, or walk out your door and talk to one of the 50 people who stare at you all day, every day. But here, it's not so easy. So it's cool to have to figure out how to get into the places that we want to get into and what the deeper needs are in the community, and what that means as far as what we do. I think that's a pretty priceless life skill for most of these students.

Opportunities to do stuff seem very plentiful-- we have hooked up with a local church that is working on things like alcohol abuse prevention, and who are very community-focused. This morning we visited the mayor's office and found a ton of immediate needs that we can help out with. We've been hanging out at the local basketball courts and other places where kids are hanging out, just listening and telling our stories, and there are about 5 youth groups that we are involved with, as well as a women's recovery center that we've been spending time at. There's a lot to do that both affects right now and that works with structures that will last once we're gone, which is cool.

So the team is doing pretty well. Things on base were not as I expected to find them-- the base is having a tough time, and that makes it hard to really make firm plans for the DTS, etc., that I am planning on leading in March. I think it's probably good to have the team here, if only just to breath a little bit of life and hope into the place. I can see that there is already a little difference in the staff on base.

Every once in a while I have a moment of total "what the heck am I doing?" going through my head. I really did feel like God was leading me here, and there is an obvious need for me to be here, but part of me wants to crawl into a hole and find something to do that's not going to be so hard. Am I really giving up my house and my bedroom and a place where everyone knows and loves me to come and live on the floor in a place where I am totally different than everyone else, and half of the things I say go unheard? Yes, I am. But then again, I am going to have an adventure, and I am going to learn a lot, and I could possibly have a lot of fun. And God has never really left me hanging yet. And maybe he will even use me to do something amazing. So, the possibilities outweigh the panic... May it always be so.

Guam!

So, I am in Guam, alive and well! We had plenty of adventures getting here, including: losing the fan cover (?- I’m not actually sure what that means) of the van I was driving to the airport in New Zealand on the road, which gave us a 45 minute detour (not bad, all things considered!). We did make our plane almost exactly (punctuality is my super power, after all), and then flew it old school to Korea. We actually flew directly over Guam, and then continued for another 4 and a half hours. Yes. All to save a few hundred dollars. So that was a long flight. With not much entertainment, but at least we had each other. Also, I never did actually figure out during that flight that there are two audio channels on the plane, one in Korean and one in English, so during the movie, I was pretty sad that it was only in Korean. And then really embarrassed when I figured out on the next flight what had happened.

Anyway, after a brief stop in Seoul, we came back another 4 and half hours to Guam. And now we are here. It’s sticky here. Kind of hot, too, but mostly just sticky. The YWAM base we’re working with is in the part of the island that is mostly populated with Micronesians, which is really cool. (A lot of the population here are not actually from Micronesia.) The base has been going through some tough times, so there is not much power—it’s only on in half of the base—and all the internet and phones have been turned off, so we’re trying to get creative with that. It was definitely an adventure when nobody picked us up at the airport and we couldn't reach the base by phone! Or at all! They eventually showed up 4 hours late, after a nice air force officer bought us breakfast.

There seems to be a lot to do here—just walking through the neighborhood, there are tons of kids who want to hang out, and lots to do to help the base here get back to running order, and a lot of churches who want the team to help out with different things. I’m trying to wrap my mind around living here a little longer than this two months and what that will look like when I’m the only western person on base, and how to run a DTS that is suited for islanders, not westerners. I think I have a lot to learn, so I’m glad to have these two months to figure things out a little more and really pray and find ways to continue the things that this team starts while they are here. I’m really excited about the possibilities, though! I’m pretty sure that there are some ridiculous stories coming up, so stay tuned!