Back to Life, Back to Reality

Sometimes I ask myself: why did I not become a Secret Agent? Most of the times that I ask myself this are the times that I am watching Alias. Like today. Seriously, I think I would be a good secret agent. Nobody would suspect me.

Anyway, I'm back at Oak Ridge. It was good to get a break, even if I was only a ten minute drive away. But there are outreach teams to keep track of and registrations to follow up on, and basically a job to do. This is the stuff that it is hard to find motivation to do, because it is mostly administrative. But necessary, to keep working with people, which is what I love doing, and get to do most of the time.

But also, people are so weird. I think that is actually why I like working with people, but also sometimes it makes me want to bang my head against a wall. I like that there is no formula for helping people grow and get along and follow God. I love the mystery and the beauty of the fact that nobody is the same. But I also HATE that there is no formula... because it often leaves me totally confused and worried that I'm going to mess somebody's life up. The last couple of days I've been talking to one of my team leaders out on the field, trying to figure out the best way to deal with a situation that arose in the team. And it's such a weird position to be in-- wanting so badly to do the right thing and knowing it will affect people and in the end just having to do something and hoping and praying that it's the right thing. And that's just me. Imagine what the team leader feels like! At least I am thousands of miles away.

Things like that are what make me think about being a secret agent, because sometimes dressing up like another person and lying my way through a secret mission seems like it must be so much easier than dealing with a situation in an honest and genuine way. Also, I would really like to be able to kick people's butts like Sydney Bristow does.

P.S. Dear Secret Agents of the world: I'm sure that your job is very difficult and that I have totally misrepresented you. And maybe Alias is not the best model of what the world of espionage is really like. Don't email me.