AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!

So, I feel a little bit like life is getting away from me. Mostly because I am leaving for Guam tomorrow morning and have not packed at all! And I need to do my laundry! And clean my house! In a classic procrastination maneuver, I am now blogging instead. Which I was wanting to do, too, so at least I can tick that off of my list.

Guam! I'm excited. Still kind of unsure as to what awaits me, but that's cool. The outreach team leader of the team that's going at the same time as me was asking me this morning if I'd heard from the base leader there about if they are picking us up, or what. I was like, no, haven't you? No, she had not. But I figure, it's not that big of an island. What's the worst that could happen?

In other news, Christmas was great. We had a lot of fun and a LOT of food. On Christmas Eve one of the local families that we are friends with invited the whole school over and we spent the evening with them. Grant, the dad of the family, took us all on a hay ride through his farm, which was pretty much the most fun thing we could have done. There's something about stuff like that-- it's just pure fun. We were powering up and down the hills and sheep were scattering everywhere around us, and the sunset was this brilliant pinky orange and we sang off-tune Christmas Carols and then headed back to the house for hot apple cider. It was a really good night.

Christmas Day was also good--someone gave us a pig, and so we had to figure out what to actually do with said pig, which was kind of funny. Laura, one of my staff, was the hero--she arranged to have another farmer up the road come cut it up for us and then roasted it. It came out beautifully, and then the two of us just stared at it and wondered what to do next. In the end we put on gloves and just pulled the meat off of the bones. It was delicious. The whole day I felt like the mother of 15 adults, which was slightly disconcerting. At the same time I felt like a kid faking that I was a grown-up. I wonder if you ever grow out of that? Maybe you just get so used to faking it that eventually you start to actually believe that you know what you're doing. Hmm.

Anyway, I hope all of you had a Merry Christmas and that you have an amazing New Year! Hopefully I will be writing safe and sound and with a perfectly packed bag of luggage from Guam soon!

The Prodigal Blogger Returns

So, a couple of days ago, I was on my computer quickly checking my email, and my Norton anti-virus was quite alarmed by something, so I clicked the "fix" button that popped up with the warning (I'm so high-tech!). Norton responded with this message: "Please wait. Norton will now fix your problems." Oh Norton. Sometimes you are so naive.

Anyway, my problems are really not so major, anyway. A short update: the DTS is going really well. Exceptionally well, even. I have loved pretty much every minute I've had with these students; they are sweet and hilarious and smart and tenacious and ready for anything. Probably the hardest thing is that I just like them so much that I don't take enough time to just be by myself. One of those problems that I'm pretty blessed to have.

In other news, I am going to Guam in two weeks! The DTS that I was supposed to lead has been postponed, but I have a ticket, so I'm going anyway. We have an outreach team from the DTS going at the same time, and I'll help out a bit, but I want to let the team leader have a chance to lead, so I will try to find my own things to do, also. I'm actually kind of excited at the adventures that are awaiting me! Like my dad said, God can redeem our changed plans (or something along those lines), and I'm pretty sure something awesome is in store. I'm excited to check out Guam and find ways to serve the people there and the YWAM base.

Anyway, I'm going to cut this short, because this is my first afternoon off in like a month and I'm having penguin- shaped waffles with Becks, my house-mate! Over and out.

Sledgehammer Living

Oh man! Hello, everyone out there in blogland. I am, once again, so sorry that it's been so long. I forgot about how incredibly busy it is easy to get during a DTS. My time is filled from 7am until I crash into bed at night at around 11pm, do my nightly crossword puzzle, and fall asleep.

I'm loving (almost) every minute of it, too. This DTS is really an awesome group of students-- they are totally excited and committed about being a part of what God is doing here and in the rest of the world. It's soooooo fun to get to be a part of a group like this, and a privilege to be the one leading them. Sometimes I just kind of laugh to myself, because I NEVER would have guessed, four years ago, that I would be leading something like this. And that it would be going well.

I think, in the midst of the incredible busy-ness, that I am really experiencing what it means to have "fullness of life." One of the students gave a devotion the other day, and he encouraged the school to participate in, as he called it, "sledgehammer living," which I loved as an analogy. Basically what he meant was to do things wholeheartedly, whatever it is that you are doing-- getting up for breakfast in the morning and being part of a community, sweeping the floor, chopping vegetables, leading a staff meeting, singing a praise song, listening to lectures, playing games in the lounge... whatever you do, do it with full commitment. Just like swinging a sledgehammer-- do it with strength and follow through. And once that thing is going, it's hard to pull out. I guess that this is not something that you want to apply to your every whim, but it is important, I think. If God asks me to do something, I want to do it wholeheartedly. Sledgehammer living. I like it.

Which brings me to my next step... I have been asked to lead a DTS in Guam, and I have decided to go. This might not sound like a huge deal to everyone, but it is taking more faith than I thought it would to follow through and make this happen. I prayed about it and really felt like this is something that I should do, and so I said yes. Now the reality is setting in that I am going somewhere where I don't know ANYONE and I don't know anything about Micronesian culture, and most of the students are Micronesian, and it overlaps with this DTS, which actually works out pretty easily, but still it is something to worry about if you like to worry, and is God really going to provide for me, and what about after that, and... seriously, it's kind of ridiculous what I can let myself get worked up about. BUT, the sledgehammer has already been swung, so I am going for it! I think that God has got some pretty cool lessons in faith waiting for me, and some pretty cool adventures, and... who is really swinging the sledgehammer, anyway? I know that it's my life and that I have free will, but sometimes it seems like this thing is swinging way harder and farther than my arms can actually take it, and I'm just holding on for dear life and watching the walls that are in my way crash down around me. Hmm. Food for thought.

Anyway, I'm off to dinner. Which I will eat wholeheartedly. :) To those who have been praying for me: thanks. The amount of energy that I have had the last month and a half is really amazing. A couple of years ago, I could barely walk to the end of the driveway (It is a long driveway, but still), and this school I have spent hours caving and kayaking and dancing and singing, and it is really cool to me that I can do these things again without needing days to recover, and it is awesome for me to be there for those activities with the school, too, and help process what is going on while it's happening. Woo hoo!

I am alive... just busy!

Hi there! Sorry to anyone who has been wondering what is going on with me. The answer is: a lot. I got back into NZ in mid-September and hit the ground running. It was a huge blessing for me to just be allowed back into the country, so I was glad that my conversation with NZ immigration went pretty well. Thanks to everyone who was praying!

We started staff training about 2 days after I arrived, and we have all new DTS staff this school, aside from myself and Scotty, who is co-leading the school with me. They are all awesome, but it has taken a lot of energy to remember to teach things that have become second nature to me! It's been great, though.

The DTS started on 27 Sept., and is off to a really good start. There are 12 students, and I already love them all ridiculously. They are a really great bunch of people who I am loving hanging out with, and they are really open to new experiences and to whatever God wants to do in their lives, which to me means that he will do a lot. I'm really looking forward to seeing how he is going to rock our worlds!

Okay, that's my quick update. I really do have to run... I hope that everyone reading this is doing well! I miss home, but it's really been great to be here, too, so far. Alas, I love too many places. :) I'm hoping to post some photos soon from my most recent venture in farming life: docking lambs' tails. Believe me, these are photos for the books. Anyway, that's all for now!

Better Late Than Never?

Okay, so I have a few last pictures from Scotland to put up... starting with a photo of Loch Tromlee and the ruins that used to be a keep that my ancestors lived in. Pretty cool, huh? It may look like a pile of rocks partially covered by water to you, but I know better. It took a bit of detective work to find this (my older brother, John, did some of it from home, too...), and then a surprising amount of walking ensued, but here it is:

And here's the slightly more impressive (but who's comparing?) Urquhart Castle on Loch Ness. Sadly, the Loch Ness Monster did not make it into the photo, but if you look closely, you can see some suspicious shadows.

And lastly, here's the William Wallace Memorial. By the way, if I was an attacking Englishman, I would totally think twice about running up the ridiculous hill that you have to go up to get to the fortress. Of course, after we hiked to the top, we found out that there was a free shuttle we could have taken.

So there you have it! I have had a great time at home so far, and am looking forward to the rest of the summer, too. I love America, but I feel a little foreign here sometimes! I may be doomed to a life of feeling foreign wherever I go. But if I have to be doomed to something, I guess that's not so bad.

Some Photos

Hi there! Here are a few more photos from Scotland... I'm having a great week in Portland so far: lots of movies and furniture shopping and hanging out with my mom. Next week I'm off to spend the week with my grandmother in Oklahoma; my dad is already there, so I'll get to spend some time with him then!

Okay, pics:

This is Yvonne, me and Anna on Iona...

There are these awesome telephone booths all over the place-- this one happened to be in the middle of nowhere, which seemed kind of ridiculous, but also kind of cool. So we took a picture.

The Iona Abbey

Glen Coe-- as you can see, we had amazing weather!

Okay, and this one's kind of out of sequence... it's me and my roommate, Rebecca at Culzean Castle sometime in May. By the way, the "z" in Culzean is silent. Go Gaelic for being totally hard to figure out!

I've Got The Blues...

...For Kraft Macaroni and Cheese! Yes, it's true. At this very moment I am eating Kraft Spider man shaped mac and cheese, and I am loving every minute of it. Mmmmmmmmmm. Ah, life's guilty pleasures. But today, I refuse to feel guilty.

So, I'm home! Man, it is so good to be here. I had a really wonderful time in Scotland, but the last few days I was just wanting to be home. And now I am. Yay! I caught a cab from my hostel yesterday morning (which was a loooooooooooong time ago-- longer than the average yesterday morning), and had a good chat with my cabbie on the way. I told him that I was really excited to go to America and see my friends and family, and he said, "you'll probably get spoiled rotten." I just laughed. But I am already getting spoiled rotten, starting with mac and cheese, and high-speed internet, and cable television, and a really nice warm shower, and my parents' incredible library of books (not to mention all of my old books that I grew up with) and the best -- seriously, the best-- pillow I have ever slept on. All that on top of seeing my parents again, and being in a country where people are not always asking me to repeat myself.

It's a little bit chilly here (who would have thought that Scotland would be warmer than Portland?), but that is totally fine with me, because I have been dreaming about green bean casserole for like a year and a half, and it's the perfect day to have a warm dish like that! My life is amazing!

I have already attempted to drive, which was a little bit dangerous-- especially after logging a thousand miles on Scottish roads. But I only turned onto the wrong side of the road once, and it was in a parking lot, so no big deal.

So... that's me for now. I still have some photos from Scotland that I will post soon, and I have some decisions to make looming in the future, but for this week, I am just going to relax and enjoy my ridiculously blessed life. Later, alligator!

Just So Nobody is Scared:

I just want to clarify that food in Scotland is actually good. Even haggis is good. I mean, it's not something I would eat all the time, but it's not bad. Don't talk about black pudding.

Here are some REALLY good foods that are Scottish (or that I've eaten for the first time in Scotland):

Oat Cakes. They are not sweet. But they are amazing with...

Goat Brie. I know it's probably not Scottish, but I learned about it here. And it's good.

Mushy Peas

Shortbread

Scottish Tablet

That's enough for now. It's very late. Go out and find yourself some mushy peas!

Today, I Ate Haggis for Breakfast

Hello! Yes, I am back. I have finished the course I was taking, which sucked up all of my time, but was really amazing as well. It was such a good chance to really evaluate the last few years, especially, and to set some goals for the future. I might share more later, but there are some people I need to talk to first!

Anyway, so now it's over, and I am having a little holiday here in Scotland. I love Scotland. Have I mentioned that? On Sunday, two other ladies, Anna and Yvonne, and I headed up north to the Isle of Mull. We stopped at Loch Lomond, and also hung out for a bit at Glencoe on the way. I've pretty much gotten driving our little rental car down-- knock on wood! It's small but zippy and fun to drive.

Anyway, the Isle of Mull is beautiful, and I wish we'd had more time to explore it, because there was a lot to see. There are these wild-looking cliffs and hills completely purple with wild rhodedendrons, and all these ridiculous one-lane roads. We stayed at a hotel called the "Argyll Arms," which apparently used to be a hunting lodge for the Duke of Argyll, but now is a hotel. One of the things included with our stay was a Scottish breakfast, which includes black pudding and haggis. And so I ate it. I do not actually know what black pudding is. This is because I do not want to know, so please don't tell me.

Okay, but the best thing was that on Monday, we went to Iona, which is right next to Mull. Most people probably don't know this, but I am really interested in the old Celtic saints and all that history, so going to Iona was a bit of a dream come true for me. Iona is the island where St. Columba ("Colum Cille") set up shop when he came from Ireland to bring Christianity to Scotland. This was around 480 AD, I think. Give or take. Circa, even, for all of you history buffs.

Iona is this beautiful little island. The Iona abbey is still there, although it's been destroyed and re-built. There are certain walls and things that are still from the medieval abbey, but the really old buildings are gone. There is a nunnery that is in ruins from 1200 AD or so, and a medieval walkway called the "path of the dead" that goes by the cemetery, which was the burial site for many ancient Scottish kings, including Macbeth. Also, there are all of these beautiful and wild-looking rock formations all over the place, which add to the air of mystery.

It was one of the most beautiful and warm days I've had for a long time yesterday, and we walked to the opposite side of the island from the abbey and discovered that Iona is also home to these incredible white sand beaches. The water looked like it was going to be warm, but we tested it, and it was not. However, I did spend a lot of time laying on the rocks next to the water, and drawing and painting, and it's pretty much a really good place to spend a day. There was a seal who thought so, too.

Sometimes there are moments that just feel like should be frozen in time, and yesterday was a whole day full of those moments. It was so beautiful, and so refreshing, and the sky was so blue, and the water was so clear, and the island is so full of the footprints of saints who lived out an ancient faith-- the same faith that I practice now. It puts things in perspective, I guess. And there's nothing like a little perspective.

I also consider the amazing weather to be a total blessing from God to me. So congratulations to all you lucky people who came to the island on the same day as me. You can thank me later. :)

The Surreal Life

So... I'm still in Scotland. I'm feeling pretty spoiled, actually. This afternoon I went for a walk and took some photos-- I think the island is Arran... but sadly, I have not become any better at remembering things like that.

Today we talked about team work and different personality types, etc... it was good, if not particularly new. But this course is good for actually working through what those things mean a little more. Anyway... not much to say, really. Here are some photos:

You can see my window here!

The island...

town rooftops and the island:

Okay, secretly this is a few days later than I originally wrote the rest of it-- had a great day in Glasgow today. It was super sunny the whole time we were there, and then got cloudy again on the train ride home. So yay for sun. Anyway, gotta run. I have homework!

Scotland

Scotland rules.

Seriously, it is so beautiful here. And also the town that I'm staying in, West Kilbride, is adorable. There are all these brick buildings and big churches with steeples and church bells, and there's a glen right by the base where I'm staying that you can walk through, and I can see the ocean from my window.

Today I met a man who would have been staff for my DTS if I had done it here 6 years ago. And instead, I ended up in New Zealand. Which is also beautiful. But it's so strange to think about how different my life might be today if I had ended up here in 2002 instead of there. Oh, life. I think it's in Prince Caspian that Aslan says something to Lucy about how we don't get to know what might have been, only what is. And that's probably a good thing. But sometimes I indulge my imagination anyway.

Whatever. I am here now, and that is good. Although, I am so tired... I woke up at 2am today and was wide awake. Stupid jet lag. I am fighting to stay awake until bed time, and then should get my internal clock or whatever straightened out for the rest of the week. And that is all of my news for now. Boring, huh? Anyway, I'm going.

This is the Day

Okay, so in a couple of hours I will be loading up a car and heading to Auckland to catch my plane home. I am pretty excited... although it still kind of feels like just a normal day. Then again, in my life, this is not SO unusual. I guess that I am often getting on airplanes and flying places. It's just that I feel like this is going to be a significant time. Not that the rest of my life hasn't been significant... it's just... whatever. Obviously, I cannot explain it. And so I will stop trying.

But the other thing that I am excited about is the flight, itself. I love airplane flights (usually). I love the airport, and all the different people and all of their intriguing stories that I make up for them. I love the smell of airports and airplanes. I love watching as many movies as I want to on my own personal little screen. I love getting my food tray and opening every little container of food. And so, I love flying.

You can all pray for me to get bumped up to first class. Some day, it will happen, I know it. :)

Okay, here I go. Woo hoo!

2 days

AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!! 2 days left until I leave! I am so not ready. And I am so not helping the situation by sitting around all Saturday morning watching movies and checking email. But... well, I've always been a bit of a procrastinator.

Okay, also: I am now officially 30 years old. I sat in meetings most of the day on my birthday, but then all of the YWAM New Zealand ministry leaders (we were having a ministry leaders' meeting, so I was in Auckland) went mini-golfing in the evening, and then we had a little cafe night at one of the Te Au Marama bases and there was cake for me and also a chocolate banana smoothie that was really good. And everyone was really great and fun and it was just nice. I had a really good night.

And now I'm just getting ready to go (except that I'm not! Hmmm...) and chilling. Tonight is my friend Juliet's 30 birthday, so she's having a big party, which should be fun. I'm pretty excited to get home, and also to go to Scotland, and cannot believe that I will be there in a week. Seriously, a year ago, I had this passing thought that I'd really like to go to Scotland and do this school, and dismissed it as basically impossible. And now I'm going!

Anyway... the meetings that I was at were really good, and really kind of set a stage for the next little while for me, I think. We talked a lot about not getting caught up in doing stuff so much, and just getting to know God in a deeper way. Which, actually, is something that I always talk about. But now I'm actually taking some serious time to do it. And of course, doing stuff is important, too. But... well, whatever. This is going to be a good year. And it's going to be a crazy one. And I'm excited about that.

It Figures

It's Feijoa season here in New Zealand. If you have never eaten a feijoa, then I recommend that you try one. The awesome thing about New Zealand is that fruit trees just grow all over people's yards and gardens here. And feijoa trees are one of the many. And the fruit is good.

Tonight Becks and I were sitting around our lounge floor (we call living rooms "lounges" here, Americans), eating a pile of feijoas. I thought to myself that they must be very healthy, because... well, they are fruit. And they're kind of sour, so they can't have much sugar. They are a little gritty on the edges, and you eat the seeds, so they must be high in fiber. And they grow in people's yards, right next to the lemons and mandarins, so of course they must have lots of vitamin C. The logic, as you can see, is mind-blowing. Whatever. The main point is that I was very proud of my pile of fruit, and so I decided to find out the exact degree of health that I was showering upon my stomach.

Here's the thing: I think they are not unhealthy, for the most part. But the vitamin C level was kind of disappointing. And allegedly there is no fiber. And also, feijoas actually contain fat. What the heck? I mean, like a gram of fat. That seems like a lot to me, for a fruit that is not an avocado. I'm kind of mad that I looked up the feijoa nutrition content, because I really would prefer to just continue to feel self-righteous in my feijoa eating. Now it's ruined. But I still like them, don't worry.

What was the point of this story again? Hmmm... Maybe that it's time for bed. Even though I got an extra hour of sleep today, because daylight savings ended in NZ last night. Yay! Best day of the year! But I should still go to bed. Good night!

P.S. 8 days...

Oh My Life

Okay, the countdown is officially beginning. In 12 days I am leaving New Zealand. For a while. Tonight we had our weekly community meeting, and everyone prayed for me, since I won't be at the meeting next week. It kind of just hit me as I stood at the front of the room with all of these people surrounding me that... oh man. I am actually doing this. I mean, I have been home before, and it was exciting, but not as exciting as this time. And of course, I am finally going to Scotland, and the course that I am doing will-- I think-- be really good for me. But I just feel like there are new things coming for me. And that is good. In 8 days I will be thirty years old. That is insane. But I think that this year is gonna be a big one for me. So... I guess I will just live it and see what happens!

I have been SOOOOO busy lately. This is mainly because there is no cook for everyone on base, and I am kind of the obvious not-doing-anything-else person around right now. And cooking for 30 people takes up a lot of time. Sigh. I need to get started packing, which is very forward thinking, and unusual for me, but I am going to be gone at a 3-day meeting next week, (YWAM really could mean "Youth With a Meeting" sometimes...) and then time will race by and I am going to be really sad that I did not pack earlier if I don't do it now.

And I am pretty sure that most of what I just wrote qualifies as rambling. So I'm gonna go to bed. But... it's really happening. 12 days. Good night.

The Latest

Bwah! How does a week go by so quickly?!!!!

So I spent all of last week in Auckland driving the DTS around while they were staying there. It was nice to be in the city, but frustrating to be a driver who knew just enough to be an accidental middle-man (middle-woman!) sometimes between the DTS students and staff. Luckily I had my friend Daniel to hang out with and also to run away with sometimes. Also, I got to sit in on lectures with Winkie Pratney, which I really was excited for. They were really great and refreshing-- he was talking about the character and nature of God and how that is reflected in art and how it could be reflected in art in the future, and it was cool stuff. So. There you go.

I also found out last week that coming back into New Zealand after my time in Scotland and at home is going to be more complicated than I had thought and hoped. Which, of course, has got my mind going a mile a minute. What can I do to get back here? What SHOULD I do? Is God wanting me to be finished here? Is God even telling me something or is this a choose-your-own-adventure kind of situation? What if I'm missing something? AAAAAHHHHH!!!!

All that panic is well and good, but actually not super helpful. So for now, I am trying to breathe deeply and enjoy my time here, and serve the best I know how to, and wait for the next bit of direction. Oy. This morning, I was still kind of freaking out on the inside (don't worry-- on the outside, I am the epitome of calm, cool, and collected), and read my Bible verses for the day as prescribed by my Celtic daily prayer book. They were all good verses, and actually had quite a bit to do with direction and trusting God for specific situations. But what really spoke to me was the last one, I think because it reminded me to just do what I know to do right now. To follow God and be faithful, and not freak out. I get so easily caught up in doing the right thing that I often forget that my character-- who I am choosing to BE-- counts. So here's Colossians 3:12-15 (ish) from the Message:

"So, chosen by God for this new life of love, dress in the wardrobe God picked out for you: compassion, kindness, humility, quiet strength, discipline. Be even-tempered, content with second place, quick to forgive an offense. Forgive as quickly and completely as the Master forgave you. And regardless of what else you put on, wear love. It's your basic, all-purpose garment. Never be without it. Let the peace of Christ keep you in tune with each other, in step with each other. None of this going off and doing your own thing. And cultivate thankfulness."

So... I have a long way to go. But somehow, it's good. I have peace, again, and unreasonably. And now I'm going to sleep.

Posting Poetry Makes Me Nervous, It Turns Out.

Okay, I have a kind of confession to make: I am a closet poet. I am not saying that it is good poetry that I write. In fact, you might go so far as to call me a "poet." With quotes. But the thing is, sometimes I feel like it takes a lot of words to express what I want to say. And with a poem, I can use less words, and if nobody understands what I am trying to say, it's okay, because that expression is somehow now art.

I am not claiming to be a "logician."

And to be honest, my poems probably still have more words than necessary. But what I am really trying to say here is that today I drove one of our guest speakers home, and I spent something like 6 hours in a van, and my brain had plenty of time to run wild, and I wrote something as a result of my long drive. I am not really looking for literary critique so much as trying to give you a little window into my mind. Proceed at your own risk...


Unrest
Is apparent in a late-night drive
Along a well-traveled highway.
My co-pilot sleeps,
Her head nodding against the fogged window.
Music blares loudly;
It will not silence the questions that stretch before me,
Brighter in my mind than the expanse of reflectors
In the middle of the road...

I don’t want to be middle-of-the-road.

A sigh breathes my unspoken queries:
How many more times will I drive this route?
What else is out there for me?
I want to turn around
And go somewhere where expectations are low
And familiarity is earned
And being taken for granted is understood as a profound irony.

Responsibility propels me along my reflector-guided path;
Providence directs my gaze to the moonlight-drenched fields around me...

For satisfaction of what carelessly crafted desire
Would I miss this beauty that surpasses selfishness?
For what would I deny myself the quickly drawn breath
That I take in as I see shadowed trees cut into the star-riddled sky
And a moon that reminisces the brilliance of sunlight
With a wistful humility…

Pieces of plastic on the road lead me dutifully,
But the luminous Reflector of the night sky paints a bigger picture.

And even as my questions hang thick in the air,
I know peace.

This Explains Everything

Okay, so I spent yesterday in bed, because I feel terrible. Which is ridiculous, because it has been absolutely beautiful outside for the last two days. But... well, whatever. This is what happens when you live in close proximity to a lot of other people, and some of them get sick.

This morning I got up and decided to do some work in the office, so I headed over there, and then I needed to mail something, so I pulled some stamps out of the stamp drawer. I couldn't find the right denomination of stamp for a while, so had to search around for a bit, and I suddenly realized that there was something a little bit strange about the international postcard stamps that we have. I blinked a couple of times, and then decided that it was not the sickness that was messing with my head. No, the truth is, the postcard stamps have pictures of rats on them. Yes, I said RATS. This made absolutely no sense to me, so I inspected them more closely. First of all, the caption on the stamps say something like, "New Zealand Pocket Pals," which made me gag a little. And then I noticed some Chinese characters, and realized that it also said "The Year of the Rat."

Eureka! This totally explains all of my rat problems. You cannot name a year "The Year of the Rat," and then expect to have no encounters with rats. Right? Okay, but here's my question: why is the Chinese year of the rat featured on NEW ZEALAND postal stamps? This does not actually make any sense to me. And also... well... just, why? When does the Chinese year end, anyway? I'm already sick of the year of the rat. I hope that next year is the year of some sort of baby animal, like a puppy or a foal. That would be cuter. Or something obscure, like the Sasquatch. I would like to see one of those, for sure. As long as it doesn't eat me or anything.

One last thing

Okay, I also have to mention that today I saw a man mowing a lawn wearing a Speedo. I was with my friend Scotty, and we looked at each other and were totally like, "undies!" If you don't understand why this was so funny to us, you should really watch the commercial I posted a couple of weeks ago. What I would really like is for the man who was mowing the lawn to watch the commercial. The end.

Adventures in Babysitting

Last night, I babysat for three children-- ages 8, 5, and 3. Their parents were gone for the night, so I stayed with them.

Parents of the world: I commend you. I have not gotten so little sleep in a long time. Crying children were crawling into my bed at all hours of the night, and then totally taking over. I was like, um, I am the adult here, so you should be taking up less space than me, three-year-old. But no. Also, if I moved to a new bed, there was more crying.

Mom and Dad, are you laughing at me right now? I am pretty sure that I spent a lot of nights as a kid taking over my parents' bed. But, in my own defense, I went from no kids to three kids in only one night. Of course, now I'm back to no kids, so I guess I can't complain too much. Well, no kids, but one rat. Actually, maybe the rat is gone-- I wasn't here last night, so it's totally possible that the poison was working while I was lying awake last night.

Okay, but don't get me wrong. I do like kids. I even like those particular kids. I was just a little bit sad about... you know. Not sleeping. This is why, if I have kids, I hope to kind of ease into it... one at a time, instead of three sudden ones. And also to have a husband, who can wake up instead of me. If it's your own kid, do you feel a little better about letting him or her cry a little? That's what I wondered about in the wee hours of the morning today.

In other news, I also bought a ticket to Scotland yesterday! I'm really excited. It was harder than I thought to do it. The problem is that there was no perfect ticket-- only tickets that would get me there kind of close to the time I wanted. And so, eventually, I just chose one. And now I'm going. Yay!

And now it's time for bed. I wonder how many words I can get in my crossword puzzle tonight before I fall asleep. I'm thinking not many.

Rodent Update # 2

Today is the day of reckoning for the rats. Ross came and put poison at all the places that a rat could have gotten into the wall. Take that, rats! And also, please die outside, and not inside my house.

Well, other than that, things are pretty uneventful for me. Office work as usual, and hanging out with Sam, my little buddy, and... well, that's it. Maybe something exciting will happen this afternoon that I can tell you about. Maybe.

Tuesday

Rodent update: I do not actually have a mouse in my room. What I have is a rat in my wall. And ceiling. Is that better? On the one hand, at least it is not actually in my room. On the other hand, a rat is much bigger than a mouse. And it could actually get into my room whenever it wants, I'm thinking. I could try to poison it. But then, what if it dies IN the wall, and starts to stink up the house? Gross.

So, other than over-thinking my rat problem, I have been pretty busy in the last couple of days. It's been nice to not be in lectures with the school... but instead I have been working on the computer, answering questions and emailing prospective students and trying to download photos for the website, etc. It has been surprisingly time-consuming. And very rainy. A combination that makes me sleepy. So I think I'll go to bed. After one last round of Text Twist and a crossword puzzle! There is nothing like a crossword puzzle to distract a person from thinking about rats. I'm pretty sure this is a proven fact.

Oh, Rats

Okay, so here's a question: is it coincidence that the same day that I watched Ratatouille, I was awakened in the middle of the night by a rodent in my room? Seriously. I liked the movie, but I had a hard time getting over the whole rats in the kitchen thing. Especially when they walked on all four paws. It just kind of made me shiver. And then, last night, I woke up to the sound of rustling and gnawing. They will not leave me alone!

The thing is, I have been on outreach several times and slept perfectly soundly, knowing full well that there are rats and mice in the building with me. And I've even slept on the floor in those places. But there is something about them in your own room that is just disturbing. For me, it goes back to Little House on the Prairie... which in my family is apparently the sum of all fears. Well, the fear of mice. And also the fear of the KKK, which I had nightmares about when I was smaller, although I think that one is actually because of Father Murphy, which I think was a Little House spin-off. And also my brother hated the show because of one episode where Laura thought Mrs. Olsen's head got cut off and my brother had bad dreams about it. ANYWAY, there was this one time that mice ate Pa's hair in the night while he was sleeping. This may have actually been in the book, not the TV show. But maybe both. But the point is that I really don't want mice to eat my hair in the night, and so I don't like having mice in my room. And that is why I set out my trusty peanut butter trap this morning. The end.

This Week

Oh, how the time flies. This week has been pretty busy for me, which is NOT what I was planning on when I said I was not staffing this school. But there is a serious lack of drivers to take them places, which is sad because it means I spend a lot of time driving people around, but good because I have gotten to go to cool places for free.

For example, this week I drove to the nearby waterfall to go swimming, which was very cold, but also beautiful. And then I drove to Kai Iwi Lakes, which is a really amazing and beautiful place north of here. The school went camping for a couple of days, and I also camped in my awesome tent, which was given to me by one of the staff who just left, Ben. I love that tent. It is only big enough for me and my stuff... I guess you could fit two people and no stuff, but it would definitely be squished. Anyway, it was great, and the lakes were also great, and pretty warm, and clear, and refreshing. We got back Thursday, and yesterday I cooked lunch and dinner for everyone in between all the things I was trying to do in the office, which did not get finished, by the way. And also, do not talk to me about the ridiculous quiche-making experience I had yesterday. I will say only this: do not underestimate the amount of time needed when making a gigantic quiche.

Today I drove to Whangarei so that the students could experience the booming metropolis of Northland. Also, we went to see The Bucket List. It was entertaining and enjoyable. Embarrassingly, I cried in one part, and the girl next to me pointed it out to everyone. Sigh. I never thought a movie with Jack Nicholson in it would make me cry. Go figure.

Anyway, that's my week in a nutshell. I'm sure I will have some deep and meaningful reflections to share later. But for now, I'm going to bed. Good night!

All My News Squished Into One Post

So... it's been a while since my last post, and since then, a few things have happened. Let's see if I can remember them all.

1. I am going to Scotland! Yay! I did end up getting accepted to the LDC (Leadership Development Course) there, and so will be leaving NZ in April, right after my birthday. I'm gonna come home for a couple of days, and then head to Scotland! Seriously, I am very excited about this. I am hoping that it will really encourage me and help me to put more of an edge on my leadership.

2. The new DTS started! They got here... one day ago? It already feels like a week. But we picked them up, driving through a tropical storm, yesterday. They are a good bunch. I really like them. But I'm glad not to have the responsibility of leading their DTS. It's not them, it's me. :) But really, it is a little strange, after having led 2 DTS's in a row, to not have much responsibility with these guys, even though I really like them. I feel slightly wistful. And at the same time relieved. I feel like I have very little to give out after the last year, so am enjoying just being friends. So this is best for all of us. Heh. I know it sounds like I am breaking up with them, but I don't know how else to say it... All of that aside, I think it will be a really good school, and I'm already excited to see how God rocks their worlds while they are here.

3. Um... I must have more news. I can't think of it. Whatever.

So, for the next 7 weeks or so, I'm gonna be here, doing whatever I can to help out, and registering students, and hopefully helping change the website. And spending some quality time with God, too. Not that I don't ever spend time with God. But I was doing some teaching for staff training last week, and I was reminded of some things. First of all, I was walking down the driveway, thinking about what to talk about. Which was a surreal moment, because... I don't know. I feel like I have all these big questions about what I do and how I do it and what kind of direction I want to take the ministry I am involved in and all this stuff. And suddenly none of that mattered a whole lot, because what I really needed was to figure out what to talk about for a couple of hours the next morning. And it kind of hit me anew that God wants to provide for me in the moment. Not that he's not interested in My Life: the Big Picture. But maybe I can relax a little bit about it, precisely because he IS interested in it, and precisely because he can also help me figure out what to say tomorrow, and that's what I needed to be listening to. And it's probably a lot more related than I know, and if I would just pay a little attention, the answers to my "small" questions might not be so different than the answers to my "big" questions. Maybe. Speculations from my walk down the driveway. Which, by the way, is a good place to walk and pray, and has seen the footsteps of probably thousands of people doing just that. Which I think is cool.

So, by the way, in the end, what I talked about was "Loneliness in Leadership". And I talked about courage and knowing God in that loneliness... I will not go on much more about it. I read a few chapters out loud from Prince Caspian, which was not one of my favorite Narnia books until recently. But there is this awesome part with Lucy and Aslan, and nobody else believes her, and... well, it's good. I like it, not just because of Lucy and her total need and dependence on Aslan to lead the people with her in the right direction, but also because she was not actually the "leader" of the group. Anyway, I could go on, but I won't. But I will say that it was a good session. I wasn't sure how people would do just listening to a story, but I think they're all hooked on Narnia now.

There were more things to say from my walk on the driveway, but this is getting long, and I am getting sleepy, so I will save them for another day. Good night!

For Your Viewing Enjoyment

New Zealand in February is a good place to be. Luckily, Trumpet ice cream issued this "public service announcement" to help keep it that way. :) It's been on TV for a couple of years, now, but I still think it's hilarious. Warning: this may not be for the faint of heart. Whatever that means.

She rambles...

This morning I woke up to the sound of Sam, my four-year-old buddy, delivering the mail to our house. I did not get up for another hour. (Just to clarify, I got home from the airport at 3am, which is why I was sleeping so late this morning.) The awesome thing is that it was raining and not stiflingly hot for the first time in ages. This meant that I could stay in bed without suffocating under my metal roof. And also, I forgot about how good the rain is. I am such a Portlander. I mean, I do like summer. I like sun and warmth... but there's something about the rain. Actually, I don't know if this is because of where I grew up so much as it is about personality. I love it when it rains after a long dry spell. And I love it when it's sunny after a long rainy spell. I think I just like to feel like I earned my weather. Like somehow I had the choice to stick it out or not, and I did, and now I deserve to have some relief from the heat for a day. What all of this pretty much means is that I'm a little crazy. But I'm okay with that. Today.

So... staff training started today. I have spent a ridiculous amount of time on the computer in the last couple of days, trying to get last minute details for DTS students sorted. We are combining with the DTS that runs in Auckland for this coming school-- actually, their students are coming up to Oak Ridge to do their DTS instead of doing it in Auckland, and so there is some serious coordinating to do. Oh, administration. How I procrastinate with thee. But I can't procrastinate this time, so that's... good? Anyway, that's my life right now. It's time for bed now. I've been up too long.

Oh bla di...

Well... life goes on. It's been a good week, actually. It has been low-intensity, which is good: just some work in the office to get ready for the next school and several "planning sessions" at the beach. I must say, some of my best work is done while lounging in a towel on the sand. And also I am tanner, which is very important. (Is it "tanner" or "more tan?" Whatever.)

I'm really looking forward to taking a bit of a break during this coming school. I just don't feel like I would be very useful if I were to help lead it... and so I am not going to. I'm HOPING to get into the leadership course in Scotland that I am currently waitlisted for; it would be awesome to get a little outside input into my life at this point. And then home for a little while! Yay!

Anyway, I wasn't really planning on outlining my entire future today, so I think I will stop there. Today, Becks, Scotty, and I are venturing down to Auckland. A BLS student is coming in to the airport at some ridiculous hour of the night, so we volunteered to pick her up. Because that means I can spend the afternoon in Borders, which, I think I have already mentioned, is pretty much my favorite way to spend an afternoon. Also it means I get to eat at Burgerfuel, which is not too bad, either. It's the simple things...

It's Over

On Saturday morning I dropped my students and some of my staff off at the airport and said good-bye for the last time. It was weird. Graduation was Friday night, and it was fun, and then I stayed up late talking and hanging out with students, and then on Saturday I got up and went to the airport for what felt like the thousandth time, said good-bye, got back in the van, and drove away. It was all very routine and easy, and I was sad, but I think what I was really sad about was that I could not really bring up the energy to let myself feel as sad as I am that I will probably never see most of those people again. These beautiful, amazing children of God, whom I have prayed for and hoped for and watched grow and change for the last six months, left New Zealand. In their uniqueness, they still ended up on an airplane headed home, just like the ones six months ago, and the ones six months before that. Which is where they should be headed. And as much as I love them, I'm too tired of this routine to really allow myself sadness at their going.

It strikes me that this is not really healthy. But then again, I kind of have this theory that we in the West are a little bit spoiled in our ability and willingness to be concerned about every little aspect of our emotional health, and are nevertheless no more emotionally healthy than those who are more concerned with other things. So... I don't know. I am still going to ramble on about myself, but you can know that I DO know it's not the most important thing in the world.

Anyway, I got to thinking about sacrifice. Because for me, it is a sacrifice to love people and allow myself to be known by people (at least to a degree) that I know I will not see again after a DTS is over. And I do it over and over again, and I guess I feel like I have somehow given up a bit of emotional normalcy because of it. I am kind of dreading the moment where I finally realize that these people that I have loved are gone for pretty much the rest of my life on earth.

I have a hard time with the idea of sacrifice, because... on the one hand, it is kind of at the core of my belief system. Jesus, of course, made the ultimate sacrifice of his life so that we could be reconciled to God. That is one heck of an example. On the other hand, there are these things we call "boundaries." Every once in a while around here, somebody goes on a boundaries rampage, telling us all that we need to take time for ourselves and set limits and not always be available and etc., etc. Which is a nice theory. And I tell my own staff these sorts of things, although I use different language, because I am not a huge fan of the pop-psychology word usage that seems to go with boundaries. I do send my staff to take days off when I can see they need one, and try to make sure that they are doing things they enjoy and looking after themselves.

But then, how does that fit in with this whole sacrifice thing? I mean, I've given things up to be here. I miss my family and friends and Portland and the convenience and familiarity of living in America. Does that mean I don't have to sacrifice anything else? I can just live here and do my job and keep good emotional "boundaries" and it's all good? The problem with that, of course, is that my job kind of entails NOT having those boundaries. It's pretty much my job to love people. I mean, I do lots of things, but at the very core of it all is to love others. And even if it wasn't my job, it's still pretty much the main thing that Jesus told us to do, only second to loving God. I can't really imagine Jesus being like, "love your neighbor as yourself, but only during office hours..."

The other day I read a comment by a guy who brought up William Wilberforce and the fact that he totally sacrificed his health for the cause of slavery. And he was passionate and driven and ultimately successful. According to the theory of boundaries, your own health is not an acceptable sacrifice. But if Wilberforce had not made the sacrifice, he would not have made such an impact in the world. I was talking to Patrick Dodson, one of our speakers about this, and he made the excellent point that worldwide slavery is perhaps not on the same scale of importance as what I am doing... but then again, maybe it is. Maybe one of the students that comes here is going to be the next William Wilberforce, and my decision to give up something in order to love them--even though they are only a very temporary friendship-- will be a key in their life. I guess the thing is, ultimately, to decide whether what I'm doing is actually important enough to make the sacrifices that I do make. Which are fairly paltry, in all honesty. But if what I'm doing makes no impact, then even paltry sacrifices could be put to better use elsewhere. And that is a very hard thing to measure.

Which is why I guess it comes down to trusting God. I do believe that when I committed to this place, it was what God was leading me to do. I believe that he can use me and does use me to show himself to the people around me. I don't know if it has to be the way that I have done it, exactly, or if there's some way to do this without feeling like I'm giving up my ability to connect in a normal emotional way to the situations around me.

Maybe next time I should just cry at the airport when I say good-bye. It might save me a lot of thinking. And also, does any of this make sense? Oh well. If you made it this far, great job. Now you know that I am actually crazy. And on that note, it's time for bed. For me. You can do whatever you want.

Four-Year-Olds Love Me

Last night I was working in the office after dinner, and my roommate, Becks, came in. She had a message for me. Apparently, Sam-- the four-year-old little boy who lives across the base from me-- was at home and refusing to go to bed until I came and said good night. So I went down to see him. He mostly just wanted to show me his new pirate pajamas. But it was really cute.

So what is the deal? Why do four-year-olds love me so much? Sammy is not the only one, I have to say. Check out the awesome story that Becks' nephew, Jordan, wrote for/about me when he was four (now he is five, but I like to think that he still has a special place in his heart for me):

In case you can't read it, here is the text: "Once upon a time there was a girl called Mary. The dragon tried to eat her but suddenly out of the bushes came a KNIGHT in shining armour! When the dragon breathed fire the knight fell off his horse and then the princess came down and kicked the dragon. And the dragon was straight dead and the knight said thank you for saving me and then they got married. The end."
This story was transcribed by Becks, by the way. Apparently word-for-word, though. I love it that he let me kill the dragon. And that it was straight dead. That is an awesome story.

And more four-year-olds love me, too! Why is that? What is it about the four-year-old mind that likes me so much? Seriously, my life is so strange. Now all I need to find is a 29-year-old man with the mind of a four-year-old. No, wait. That's not right, either. Sigh.

Where does the time go?

I can't believe it is already Thursday! Time has gone really quickly this week... there has been a lot of listening to stories and trying to teach the essentials for these guys when they go home. I have been meeting with each of the students to do some debriefing and catching up before they head off, and that's been good and sometimes hard. It's so hard to know what to say when somebody tells me about something that was disappointing for them or was really hard, and I know that it didn't have to be that hard. I mean, in some cases, it's disappointing for me, too. I always wonder if I should have somehow known it would happen and stopped it somehow. And then again, some things I DID know would be hard, but I guess I anticipated them being dealt with differently, and being a great growing experience instead of an "I cannot actually believe that happened" kind of thing.

Anyway, hindsight and all that... on the other hand, there are also really great things that happened! Some of the students got to do amazing things that they never knew they could do, and meet people that they never knew existed and see a way of life that will forever change the way they live theirs. And that is an amazing thing. God was (and still is) so good to these guys.
Part of my challenge is to bring that to the attention of those who maybe missed it at the time.

Okay, so serious. In spite of having a lot to do, I also get to spend a lot of time having fun and laughing at everyone's pictures and crazy stories and just being with students. Woot! (Which, by the way, I just found out was the Mirriam-Webster word of the year last year. According to Isaac, who I generally find to be a reliable source.)

And that's my life. Tomorrow I have the very difficult and burdensome task of taking all the students and staff to the Bay of Islands and going jet-boating. Yes, feel sorry for me. Maybe I will finally get a tan!

Here I Go Again

The students have been back for one day, and I'm starting to get back into the swing of things. It's actually really good to have them here. It's fun to have people around again.

It's been a little weird, though, for the last day. Outreach is such a weird thing, and it changes you, but it's SO different from normal life that it's hard to really figure out how you have changed right away. And there's all the mix of emotions: total exhaustion from two months of cross-cultural living and traveling, excitement about what God did, disappointment about what he didn't do that you expected him to... relief at being back in a nice, clean, safe place, and guilt at being here while the very people that you spent the last two months with stay in their third-world existence... it's all a lot to take in. You can actually feel it on the base; the sense of being unsettled is almost tangible as these guys process and try to figure out what it all means.

For me, it's so tempting to just say, "here's what you do. Here's how you changed, and here's what you should feel." Because, I think, at this point, some of them would really like some definition. And maybe the things I say would be true, but they are just not for me to say. Which is hard mostly because I want people to be comfortable and happy and feel good. But I really have to be careful, because there's so much value in the tension. It's so important to say, "hey, what is God saying to you? What did he do? Who does he say that you are?" And let people figure it out for themselves. It's hard, but there has to be a safe place where you let the questions simmer a little bit, and where you are really listening to God. If these guys left here with nothing but the ability to ask good questions and to let God in to the answers to those questions, I think the DTS would be a success.

I think that this is what I really love about what I do. I get to make a place to listen and learn and ask questions and figure out a way to channel that all into something that will influence who they are going to be for the rest of their lives. And I think that something I'm really good at is helping people feel okay with that process, because sometimes it can be excruciating. But it's worth it.

Man, I don't know if I'm making sense right now at all. This whole day has been spent trying to communicate with people who are tired, and who are from several different cultures and have spent the last two months in even more different cultures. I totally struggle to say things in a way that everybody will understand. But if they understand, at the end of the day, that they are loved, I guess that's good enough. So I hope that, if nothing else, they got that.

Anyway, that's the brain spew that happens on a day in the life of a DTS leader. If you made it through, thanks for reading! By the way, you are loved, too.

Amazon.com is Stalking Me!

Okay, that's logically not true, because if it was true, I probably would not have gotten an email from Amazon.com this morning telling me that I should buy The Diving Bell and the Butterfly. Because if they were really stalking me, they would know that I already own it. But it was still a little strange. Also, it alerted me to the fact that yes, everyone else already does know about this book. So... good job.

The students are back! I picked the India team up today after a quick stop at my favorite place, Borders book store. I know that I should probably be like, "go independent, locally owned and run bookstore!" But there's just something about a familiar place when you are across the world from home, and Borders, being a franchise, is the same in NZ as it is in America, and I like it there. Also, they have a fantastic coffee shop (also franchise, sorry) inside, and it's one of those places where it's totally fine to take as many unpaid-for books and magazines into the coffee shop, and sit and read them while you drink your mango fruit chiller. Or some sort of coffee, if you like that sort of thing. In New Zealand, there are not a lot of places that I know of where I would be comfortable to do that. But in Borders, I know the ropes.

Sigh. Anyway, after my brief stop, I proceeded to the airport to pick up my students. Also, let me just tell you that I drove with the trailor the whole way there and back. I'm proud of myself.

So everyone's doing okay. To be perfectly honest, these guys smelled terrible when they finally got to NZ. In all fairness, they've been travelling for a long time. But I will say that I drove with the window down the whole way, even though there is currently a tropical storm raining down on us. It's all good, now, because they are clean and fed and catching up on all the things they need to. The Vanuatu team will get in any minute now. So it's back to work for me! I really love these guys, and processing and debriefing, etc., is really important, but part of me just wants to go to bed and not be the one responsible for this stuff. Two more weeks, and then I will have a real break. Kind of. :) Anyway, I'm off for some catch-up and Speed Scrabble!

Summertiiiiiiiiiime

Oh, man. It is hot here today. I woke up at 8 am (admittedly not that early, but...) baking to death under my metal roof. Don't worry, I survived. And it only got more and more hot as the day went on. Dad, you would have really loved it, I'm sure.

I needed to clean the student bunkrooms before they get back here on Sunday, so today I designated vacuum day. And let me tell you, it was the sweatiest vacuuming I have ever done in my life. Finally I finished, and gave up the pretense of any more manual labor for the day. I am so spoiled. My next two weeks are going to be intense, though, so I feel okay about my afternoon of leisure. Anyway, I did lay outside in the sun and read, which was awesome. I am not tan, though. What is with that?

The book I was reading is called The Diving Bell and the Butterfly, and it is really good. Maybe everyone in America has heard of this book already, because the back of the book cover says that it has been "widely read and admired all around the world." And it turns out that there is a movie of it, too. But I just found it in the $5.00 book stack at The Warehouse, and thought it looked interesting. It's written by Jean-Dominique Bauby, who was at one time the editor of French Elle, and then had a massive stroke and was basically trapped inside his own body and wrote the book by blinking one eye and spelling words to an assistant. And so far, I really like it. A lot. I could tell you more about it when I am finished and ready to analyze, but I probably won't. It's not very long, though, if anyone wants to read it.

Anyway, I had a good day. Two more days, and then everyone comes back. Hmmm. Mixed feelings. But for now, I will enjoy my summer.

Oh, The Taste Buds

So, tonight I made the worst food that I think I have ever made. I mean, it was bad. I have eaten some bad things in my day...most of it I did not actually make... but this was really up there on the list of bad stuff. Like, just below fruit bat and duck fetus. Seriously.

It started out as mince (ground beef, to Americans). This was the only red meat that I could find in my freezer, and I thought I should eat some and give the old iron a boost. I didn't really have much else to cook with it, so I just cooked it. And sprinkled in some seasoning that I found in the cupboard. And this is where everything went oh so wrong. I put in this Creole seasoning that a former DTS student sent to the staff from New Orleans, and that we all divided up and I keep mine in a jelly bean jar hidden away on a shelf. But this seemed like the perfect chance to use it, so I pulled it out. I did not, of course, pre-taste it or think much about it, but I just scooped a couple of spoonfuls onto the meat while it was cooking. And then I had a taste. Oh, man. That stuff is saltier than salt.

I like salt. But this was ridiculous. I tried pouring all kinds of other sauces on to neutralize the saltiness, but no. And I was kind of desparate for red meat, so I made a valiant attempt to choke half of it down before I gave up. And I had made these great oven fries and fresh green beans, and I could not taste them, because the salt pretty much ruined my mouth. I can still taste salt. Blech. Is there a cure for too much salt?

You've gotta love a life where the worst thing that happens in a day is eating meat with too much salt. Although, I mean, it was a LOT of salt. The moral of the story is: watch out for Creole Seasoning.

Back to Life, Back to Reality

Sometimes I ask myself: why did I not become a Secret Agent? Most of the times that I ask myself this are the times that I am watching Alias. Like today. Seriously, I think I would be a good secret agent. Nobody would suspect me.

Anyway, I'm back at Oak Ridge. It was good to get a break, even if I was only a ten minute drive away. But there are outreach teams to keep track of and registrations to follow up on, and basically a job to do. This is the stuff that it is hard to find motivation to do, because it is mostly administrative. But necessary, to keep working with people, which is what I love doing, and get to do most of the time.

But also, people are so weird. I think that is actually why I like working with people, but also sometimes it makes me want to bang my head against a wall. I like that there is no formula for helping people grow and get along and follow God. I love the mystery and the beauty of the fact that nobody is the same. But I also HATE that there is no formula... because it often leaves me totally confused and worried that I'm going to mess somebody's life up. The last couple of days I've been talking to one of my team leaders out on the field, trying to figure out the best way to deal with a situation that arose in the team. And it's such a weird position to be in-- wanting so badly to do the right thing and knowing it will affect people and in the end just having to do something and hoping and praying that it's the right thing. And that's just me. Imagine what the team leader feels like! At least I am thousands of miles away.

Things like that are what make me think about being a secret agent, because sometimes dressing up like another person and lying my way through a secret mission seems like it must be so much easier than dealing with a situation in an honest and genuine way. Also, I would really like to be able to kick people's butts like Sydney Bristow does.

P.S. Dear Secret Agents of the world: I'm sure that your job is very difficult and that I have totally misrepresented you. And maybe Alias is not the best model of what the world of espionage is really like. Don't email me.

Bringing in the Sheaves

So... actually, it was bales of hay, not sheaves of wheat. And also, it was only a couple of hours of the last few weeks that I was involved in said baling of hay. But I like my title, anyway.

I've been a bit out of blogging commission for a while (after my one paltry post) because I was gone for the holidays. Since I'm living alone right now in a very quiet and remote place, one of the local families took me in, and I've been staying with them for a couple of weeks. I have to say, they have spoiled me rotten. If I am ever home for the holidays again, I hope that I treat anyone who is visiting just as well as I was treated this year. It was really, really nice.

And now it's really summer and it's been warm and beautiful for a week or so. I was staying in a bach (like a vacation home, kind of, in NZ) for the last couple of days, and it had a beautiful view of Pahi bay, and this amazing garden with beautiful flowers and a lounge chair on a sunny deck, and cable television. Yeah, seriously. That's what my life has been like for the last few days. We won't talk about the horrible cats at the bach, though. My foot will never be the same.

And then, of course, there is the hay. This week the family that adopted me for Christmas is baling their hay fields and stacking it in the barn. I got to help on Monday. It was so fun! I mean, I'm probably not the most helpful participant, but still. I roll bales of hay across a field so that a machine can pick them up and load them onto the back of a truck. And then, when all the hay is stacked on the truck, I get to climb on top of it all and ride back to the barn, and then pretend to help Grant (the farmer) stack the hay in the barn, while actually just pushing and rolling the bales around until somebody stronger than me comes along and lifts it onto the stack. It's kind of itchy and dusty and really sweaty, but I like it. Maybe it just feels good to have something active to do.

Anyway, I think that pretty much catches up the last couple of weeks. I miss home a lot, but I've been so blown away by how much everyone has looked out for me and stuff. I am totally blessed.